


These Painful Reminders

by Redworks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Artist Zayn, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Military, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soldier Liam, Teacher Louis, Teacher Niall, Yoga Instructor Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:56:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redworks/pseuds/Redworks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They said it was mainly still his body trying to recover and that it wouldn’t be forever but sometimes when Liam looked at his mangled and scared leg he wasn’t as optimistic.</p><p>Military AU where Liam is home five years early, haunted by the sounds of war and suffering. Living in his old hometown Liam is meeting people from his past and finding that some aren't what he thought and maybe they’ll mean more to him than he thinks. Cue artist Zayn, teacher Louis, yoga instructor Harry and music teacher Niall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> This story has some pretty sad stuff going on, could be triggering so be cautious. Another note about this story—I tend to make stuff up, I try to follow a certain sense of reality but sometimes I just make things up and I hope they are close. With that being said, I also don’t speak Urdu everything with that I found online so if its wrong I’m really sorry I didn't know any other way to do that right. Ziam4lyfe. That is all. Love and smooches.

 

**These Painful Reminders**

__________________________

_Liam_

 

The attack was so sudden there was no time to evacuate anyone, they scrambled for cover as the first round of bombs exploded all around them debris everywhere. Liam had been doing walking patrols and had taken off running towards his designated point of contact. His gear felt heavy as he sprinted down the dirt roads debris flying around him and the force of explosions almost knocking him off his feet. Danny was supposed to be waiting there for him but he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Liam took a sharp right towards the alley heading towards the familiar row of homes. Dirt was swirling in the strong gusts of wind powered through the streets. Liam’s heart was pounding uncomfortably in his chest and everything was getting more blurry, the smoke stinging his eyes. Tears were streaming down his dirty cheeks and he had to take a hand off his M-16 to feel along the walls once he kicked down the front door. Terrified screams were ringing in his ears as he choked on the burning in his lungs. He had to keep moving. He felt along the wall guiding him towards the room he was looking for and shouldered opened the door. 

“Sana!” he shouted coughing at the sharp pain in his chest. “Sana! It’s Liam follow my voice baby girl we have to get you out of here!” he shouted hoping the little girl he knew was hiding in the room could hear over the deafening sounds of explosion and gunfire. He heard loud cries and his heart spiked in panic. “Sana?!” he could barely make out the room filled with dark black smoke. He shuffled towards the bed and finally a small hand grab his ankle. Relief flooded his aching bones. He swung his gun on the strap over his shoulder and bent down to scoop the tiny Pakistani girl into his arms. He could hear her terrified sobs loud and clear and his heart clenched painfully. “You okay baby girl? _Me samajh giya_ — I’ve got you, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” he tried to soothe her holding her in the crook of his elbow her legs wrapped around his waist. With his free hand he tugged off his scarf and wrapped it as best he could around her face trying to ease her intake of smoke, her green eyes staring up at him wide and terrified. “Help me cover your face baby, tuck your face into my jacket and hold on okay? We’ve got to go,” he instructed her and she cried burying her face into his shoulder. He pulled her tight and pushed his way out of the room.

“Zahid! Ameria!” he was coughing his breaths coming in harsh pants. His throat burned but he had to find them. He found his way to the kitchen the force of explosions sent shock waves through his bones throwing him off kilter. He stumbled clumsily through the rooms his mind getting fuzzy. He could barely make out two feet in front of him but he had to prop himself against the wall his legs threatening to buckle under him. His mind swirled and his heart skipped a painful beat. His friends lay dead on the floor in pools of their own blood. His _family_ that he had made here. The loving couple that had made him countless meals and had taught him about their culture. The people that had made him feel welcomed and had let him into their home and be a friend to their daughter that was now wrapped up in his arms. Their home destroyed, pieces of their lives scattered and maimed throughout the room. His heart lurched painfully and Liam pushed off to leave. He felt dizzy but he kept moving. He had Sana to look after now. He had to get them to safety. Outside the front door the streets were in chaos. People stumbled out of crumbling buildings up in flames. He saw bloodied bodies everywhere and Liam’s stomach threatened to empty itself. Danny had always told him he was too soft to be a soldier. Maybe he was right. 

Liam half stumbled over the scattered debris and half ran his arms tight around the six year old girl in his arms. He had to protect her. His limbs ached and he felt sluggish his mind not quite able to keep up with the chaos around him. They were about a half mile from base, he just had to make it there. He pushed through the spreading pain in his body his ears ringing to the point where everything became a muffled sort of quiet around him. The green tents were starting to come into view and Liam tried. God he tried to run faster. He wasn’t fast enough.

A mortar went off somewhere next to them and the force of it threw him off his feet. He felt the breath get knocked out of his chest and the blow to his head left his world black. He lay somewhere covered in crumbled walls and pieces of the village the small girl still in his arms. He struggled to pull himself back into consciousness, to open his eyes, to stand up, to keep moving. He lay there desperately trying to push through the excruciating pain radiating the entire length of his body. He felt as though someone had pummeled him with a sledgehammer. He willed his eyes to open still blurry and stinging from the haze of smoke. Through his teary eyes he saw his favorite girl eyes closed and unmoving in his arms and Liam’s entire being broke. Her dark hair was wild and covered in ash tangled and falling around her face. Her once soft cheeks were dirty and smudged with dirt and stained with frightened tears and Liam let a sob rip through his chest. 

“Sana, baby girl wake up please,” he pleaded unable to move his own body shutting down trying to preserve itself. She lay with her head resting on his bicep, clothes tattered and torn blood seeping into the fabric rapidly. Liam knew she was dead. The little girls chest hadn’t moved and he knew the explosion had killed her. An aching sob tore through him and he cried her name. He hoped he died with her so she wouldn’t be alone. Liam closed his eyes pressing their foreheads together cradling her close to protect her from whatever else was to come. His mind was surprisingly quiet, unable to hear the chaos around him. He could hear faint shouting in the distance but he couldn’t bring himself to care, he was going to die anyways. 

“Liam!” he heard the shouts of his name getting louder and louder. “Liam!” it was right next to his head and Liam jolted straight up clutching at his chest, eyes squeezed shut.

“Liam honey, it’s okay,” he could hear his mom trying to soothe him. When he opened his eyes he could see that he was in his old bedroom, sheets pooled around his waist. He was disoriented, the excruciating pain a mere phantom memory. He was covered in hot sticky sweat and his heart was pounding painfully in his chest. A nightmare. The same nightmare. Over and over and over every single night. He sucked in a breath chest tight and let it out. He mum sitting on the edge of the bed holding his hand. He kept a hand pressed to his chest trying to ease the intense ache that resided there. His mum stroked her thumb softly across the top of his hand and slowly his breathing evened out. He must look a wreck, his mum’s eyes wide and filled with sorrow. He had only been home for a little under a week. Not leaving his room much, not saying much. His parents had picked him up from the Veterans Hospital after his six month long stint there where he recovered from what were considered serious injuries. He could never bring himself to care much about himself. He felt cut off from a piece of himself, left behind in Afghanistan. He only did what he was told to get out of their hair as quickly as possible.  Guilt clawed its way through his chest making his stomach turn. It could only be half five in the morning, the sun only barely tickling the sky with color. 

“Would you like eggs and toast for breakfast? Maybe a nice warm cup of tea will help?” She asked, her maternal voice filtering through. Liam managed a small quirk of the lips towards his mum who was still eyeing him with a sad look. He nodded and she smiled a bit. “Take a shower love, it’ll help,” she added making her way out of the room quietly. Liam figured his father was still asleep and he hoped he hadn’t made too much noise this time. Liam carefully moved to the edge of the bed moving his right leg with his hands gently over the side. It ached deep within the tissue and bone a constant pressure pressing from all sides. His toes protested the cold floor and Liam pushed himself standing all of his weight resting on his left leg. He hobbled to the bathroom alone, which was the product of his progress he made in six months in the hospital. He had been immobile for three months, the last three months he had managed to get himself standing again and moving on his own--sort of. He set the shower to scalding hot and scooted over the edge of the tub which was a bit tricky when wet.His mum had recruited his dad into making a stylish wood bench to rest on both tube edges for Liam to be able to sit under the stream of water with no fear of him slipping and falling. Another piece of their unlimited love and kindness. He let the water run down his back turning his skin a heated pink. The steam was swirling through his lungs and it felt like a warm mug of honey tea. He took longer than he should have not used to the luxury of warm showers after almost five years of service in the military. 

After he finished rinsing his hair he extracts himself carefully wrapping a towel tight around his hips and flinching at his appearance in the mirror. He looks haggard and tired. Pale and his hair a mess plastered to his forehead just a bit too long for his liking. Maybe he’d ask his mum to cut it today, she’d probably like that. He traces over the countless scars he has some due to minor accidents over the years but the larger ones he sustained from the explosion were still very much raised and an angry red. Some small and others long and jagged. There was one across his pec and over his heart that was a nasty one that caused a large portion of his blood loss, he had some fresh stitches on the lower half now. They had to go back in and pull out another piece of shrapnel that had been left behind. One of the others went across a portion of his lower abdomen and another across his back and shoulder blade. The last one was long and gnarly and it was the one that had basically destroyed his leg, it went from his shin around and across his knee cap and up his thigh. He had those on top of his shattered femur, fractured arm, and punctured lung. Those left behind phantom pains and scars from surgery scattered across his body.He had no idea how they happened and he didn’t feel them until he woke up weeks later dazed and confused in the hospital. He tugged a hand through his mangled hair and went in search of his favorite joggers and a white shirt. He tried to cover his scars knowing his mum got a bit upset looking at them. 

It was weird to be home. He had spent most of the last four something years in barracks or in the middle of the desert on base. He wasn’t used to the cozy feeling of being home, or the cool gloomy weather allowing him to wear thick knit sweaters at will. He was used to incessantly sweating through his heavy gear, the warm thick haze of heat leaving his cheeks pink and flushed. He knew his mum was worried about him, he knew he should be trying harder to hide it. His mum would hover behind him to make sure he didn’t fall, bring him cups of tea while he sat on the couch under his favorite afghan and practically shove food down his throat complaining that he wasn’t eating enough. It stirred a fondness in his chest and spread a warmth through his veins. Liam smiled when he saw his mum had of course went above and beyond his request for eggs and toast. There was a proper english fry up on the table and his dad sat at the head spot plate full, newspaper in hand. 

“Morning Liam,” his dad spoke voice gruff still from the early morning. Liam smiled and sat down in one of the vacant chairs eyeing the spread and trying to decide what he wanted first.

“Good morning sweetheart,” his mum greeted him pressing a kiss into his still wet hair. “Feeling better after your shower?” she sat and started scooping scrambled eggs into her own plate. Liam used his hand to shift his annoying gimpy leg into a more comfortable position before serving himself a few pieces of bacon and a heap of eggs. 

“Much better,” he replied finding a piping hot cup of tea also waiting for him at his place. “Thank you for breakfast, it looks great,” he took a few bites of eggs enjoying the comfortable silence at the table. 

“I’ve got some paperwork at the office that I could use a second pair of eyes to go over if you’d like to come with today?” his dad asked setting his newspaper down. Liam went still and Karen was eyeing Geoff carefully.

“Do you think that’s the best idea Geoff? It’s quite----loud there isn’t it?” she asked slowly and he watched Geoff pale a bit. Liam’s heart sunk. He hated this. Hated being like this and having people tiptoe around him. His father worked in construction and it was probably best if Liam didn’t go with just yet. 

“How about I’ll bring it home with me and we can go over it tonight after dinner?” he tried.

“Sure dad, that sounds good,” Liam tried to keep his voice steady and unaffected. He was feeling a bit defeated. 

“I set out the sun bed in the garden if you’d like to read outside for a bit today sweetie. The forecast says it should be a bit warmer than normal. Some fresh air will do you some good too,” his mom was trying, trying so hard to make him comfortable here and Liam couldn’t help but feel guilty for making them so worried. 

“Thank you mum, I may just do that,” Liam cleared his throat and took a gulp of tea. 

“We have to head out to work in about an hour but we got you a new phone and I put all the numbers of the neighbors in it. Trisha, the neighbor next door on the right will be home all day, I called her this morning to check and let her know that you’re here,” Karen was rambling and Liam chuckled. 

“Mum, I’ll be alright by myself,” Liam cut her off before she started worrying even more. His mum nodded trying to calm herself and Liam felt a bit better. They finished breakfast, wrapping up the rest for later. Liam pulled himself standing and drug himself to the sink to wash his dishes.

“Oh—Liam be careful, I’ll do those,” his mum tried to shoo him out of the way and he swatted her attempts.

“Mum, my physical therapist said I need to get used to standing and get back into a routine of things at home and I can’t do that if you baby me,” Liam sighed. Karen paused placing a soft hand on his cheek and smiling.  


“Alright darling, but do be careful please,” she reiterated and Liam nodded before going back to doing the dishes. His parents left to get ready and Liam made it about halfway through the dishes before he got too tired and had to pull a stool over to sit and finish them. His biggest irritation, he got tired quickly. Couldn’t stand for very long, got winded easily and slept more than he normally would. It was weird and so very unlike him that it made him feel weird. They said it was mainly still his body trying to recover and that it wouldn’t be forever but sometimes when Liam looked at his mangled and scared leg he wasn’t as optimistic. He missed running. It was his favorite thing about mornings. Getting up early no matter the weather and working his body till he was sweaty and sore. Watching the sun creep up and color the sky with oranges and pinks the air crisp, swirling in his lungs. He found himself feeling restless mostly, at least at the hospital it was appointment after appointment and countless hours of physical therapy to keep him busy. Here he struggled to find things to do other than read or kip. He had tried doing house work and that had ended in a rather nasty tumble down the last few stairs and dumping the entire basket of laundry on the floor. Karen was furious with him of course. 

Liam chose to spend the rest on the morning under an afghan on the sun bed reading some random book his mum had left him. It was interesting enough. The morning’s chill eased a bit as the sun came out leaving his skin warmed by its rays. It was quiet in their neighborhood and Liam felt at ease for once. His mum had been doing some gardening lately, he could see how the flower beds were groomed nicely and Liam smiled. It wasn’t easy for her when he had decided to enlist. In fact she was so furious with him that she hadn’t spoken to him for three days before she broke down crying about it. Geoff was a bit more reserved about it, the proud father of a solider but Liam could see now the toll it had taken on him too. The wrinkles around his eyes seemed a bit more defined these days. Liam had only been home once since he enlisted. Christmas of 2011, the same year he enlisted. He was only back for a few days after pretty much everyone had left to go back to uni which was fine with Liam. He didn’t have many friends from home anyways. Geoff and Karen came and saw him a few times while he was based in Germany for short stints. It was nice to see them. He wrote his mum often and sent his dad cool things he found in the markets of Afghanistan. He Skype’d Nicola and Ruth here and there and did the same, sending them intricate scarves and pieces of jewelry from the markets. 

When he wound up in the hospital they weren’t far behind his parents in coming to see him. They were all distraught and Liam just felt numb. There was a disconnect between Liam the Soldier and Liam their son and brother. Nicola and Ruth lived in London which worked out while he was at the hospital there. But now he was back in Manchester where they grew up. He felt out of place and out of sorts. He wasn’t sure where he fit in because he never fit in before when he was living there. 

The wind picked up a bit and Liam drug himself inside needing something to drink. He was a bit tired after going up the stairs forcing him to sit on the top step for a minute to catch his breath. It’s not forever. That was his mantra. It’s not forever because that was what kept him going. He had almost entirely shut off the part of his brain that allowed him to slow down and think but he refused. Refused to let his mind wander to there. Wide innocent green eyes haunted him and his only reminder was a small flower charm given to him with the rest of his stuff. He had hooked it on to his dog tags and never looked at it again. It hurt. The way it knocked at his chest sometimes or the way it was so cold against his hot stitches. He had to turn it off because he didn’t think he’d survive after allowing it. 

Finally making it to the kitchen he poured himself a glass of water chugging it down when he heard a knock at the door. It startled him more than he’d like to admit but he recovered quickly. Slowly making his way to the door he opened it unsure of who it could be. A petite woman stood at the door, dark hair and warm honey eyes.

“Liam sweetie it’s good to see you,”she greeted him with a wide smile. “Oh I know you remember me, I’m Trisha Malik your neighbor silly,” she laughed lightly and Liam smiled. He did remember her. 

“Sorry, hello Mrs.Malik it’s good to see you,” he politely greeted her. He noticed she was carrying a dish of something that smelled delicious and his stomach growled loudly. 

“Looks like I’m just in time then,” she laughed and walked past where he was resting against the door frame. “I made vegetable lasagna. I figured since Karen told me you were home I’d stop by,” to her credit she only faltered slightly as he limped behind her towards the kitchen pulling a stool to sit on. 

“Thank you, thats very kind of you Mrs. Malik,” he adjusted his leg to ease some of the pressure as she made herself at home in his kitchen. He knew his parents were close friends with the neighbors probably having them over countless times while he was gone. 

“Oh dear, you are so polite, please call me Trisha. I should have you come by and teach Zayn some of your manners, that child I tell ya, swears like a sailor sometimes,” she was rambling on while dishing a heaping plate of gooey, cheesy lasagna. It looked amazing. “You remember my boy Zayn right? You two were in the same year at school. He just moved back a couple weeks ago to town, has a flat down by main street,” Liam took the plate graciously as she handed him a napkin and silverware as well. “Yaser has been a bit sick these past couple years, got bad enough that Zayn wanted to move closer. He was down in London for art school and Yaser just feels awful that he’s home now trying to take care of us,” Liam smiled remembering Zayn. He was small back then, large glasses hiding his amber eyes and long lashes. Him and Liam had only spoken on a few occasions, mostly about comic books. That was when his friends Aiden, Jonathan and Ant weren’t picking on Liam. 

Liam grew up a quiet dorky kid with a bit too much post-puberty pudge left over. He hadn’t be able to be in sports as a kid due to only having one good kidney. It had healed slowly over time and when he had joined the military he had grown four inches after joining, a nice surprise for him and putting on fifteen pounds of solid muscles. He made friends in basic and thrived on serving his country. He had a purpose there. Trisha was still talking about her daughter's, Liam remembered them vaguely. Nice girls only ever arguing about sharing dolls. The lasagna was great, Liam had asked for a second piece enjoying the homemade essence to it versus his MRE’s, meals ready to eat were good if you knew how to trick yourself into thinking it was homemade. 

“You’ve grown into quite the man Liam,” Trisha smiled at him from her spot at the counter. “Most of the other boys your age are struggling to finish uni or quit partying on week nights and here you are the epitome of a gentlemen,” Liam blushed embarrassed because he had always been separate from the boys his age, just different, calmer almost. He never seemed to think it was a good thing until right about now. “Your parents are proud of you and so are we Liam, what you did for your country was incredible, what you sacrificed for us—,” she paused eyeing him, “Not many people would do that,” she smiled came around and gave him a tight side hug because he couldn't stand fast enough to hug her for real. “How about I stick these leftovers and the fridge and you can heat it up for dinner with your parents tonight?” Liam smiled and nodded. “Alright then, keep being you sweetheart,” she tapped lightly under his chin before cleaning up their plates and leftovers. Liam observed quietly, enjoying the calmness he felt for once. 

Only a little embarrassed when he had to use Trisha’s arm for assistance to reach the couch he smiled nonetheless at her before she had to go home and check on Yaser. Liam thanked her profusely again for lunch and she took it in stride. Liam spent the rest of the day dozing on the couch and watching telly. He was used to down time. Being in the military he had plenty of down time, it was just spent vastly different. Instead of kips and telly, he’d play football with a few of the others or read some of the others old uni textbooks kept on base for fun. Not having much of a choice anymore though he spent the next few days reading, doing his physical therapy exercises, eating and catching up with his parents. His dad had brought him home some work to read over and Liam was thankful again for something to do. He let his mum cut his hair pleased that she remembered how he liked it when he didn't have to shave it all off. He kept it short on the sides leaving it a bit longer on top to be styled. It felt much more personal than buzzing his entire head again. 

A few people stopped by here and there. Trisha came by once more and the nice lady from the bakery brought them a quiche one morning to say thank you for his service. He flushed embarrassed again and asked if she’d stay to eat. She teared up at that, apparently her oldest son had passed during his service and Liam reminded her of him. It made Liam’s heart ache a bit. 

He’d been lounging on the couch for most of the day today his nights of endless nightmares taking its toll on him. He had prescriptions but they barely helped and he wondered why he bothered. Every night he’d lay restless, tossing and turning until exhaustion took over. Every night he’d dream about her and about the pain and suffering he went through, he’d wake up unable to breathe or a few times yelling in his sleep. Sweating and trembling he’d have to reassure his mother that ‘he was okay really,’ despite her biggest protests she would go back to bed leaving Liam to heave harsh pants into his lungs. Sometimes he would shower and other times he would stay completely still staring at the ceiling blankly. Last night he awoke and promptly vomited all over the floor on the side of his bed. His hair felt greasy and the bags under his eyes were darker in contrast to his paler skin. He accepted his mothers help to get down the stairs and on to the couch where she covered him with his favorite blankets and made him tea. She stroked light fingers through his hair and he let her while he closed his eyes trying to rest his body feeling heavy and achy. Liam was able to kip a bit, fitful at best but it was rest. He heard a knock at the door and his mother shuffling to answer it. Not wanting to be seen lounging on the couch looking like the train wreck that he knew he was he shrugged off the blanket and struggled to push himself up. He only stumbled a bit his limbs still slow with sleep. He used the back of the couch to make his way towards the stairs but he heard a loud squeal and the sound of feet scurrying across the floor. Flinching Liam turned to see the source of the noise but before he could do much there was a small body flying at his waist. Liam was already fairly off balance by just himself and the weight of the flying child had managed to knock him over, trying to break their fall Liam gripped the edge of the couch but it didn't do much other than pull his arm at a painful angle. Liam grunted in pain as he hit the floor laying still and hoping the spreading sharp pain would ease if he didn't move.

“Liam! Liam!” he heard a small child shouting and when he managed to peel his eyes open he saw the bright blue eyes of Daisy Tomlinson, one of his favorite students from when he taught swim lessons at their community center back in school. Liam forced a smile as she sat on his stomach preventing him from getting much air. 

“Oh dear! Daisy Tomlinson! What did I tell you!” Someone was scolding the girl who thankfully climbed off of him and Liam let his head relax back on the floor. He would need help up which brought an embarrassed heat to his cheeks. “Liam I am so so sorry! I gave her strict directions and she did not listen,” Liam recognized Jay Tomlinson’s voice, her being the one who always brought Daisy and her twin Phoebe to lessons. “Can I help you up?” Liam managed to push himself up to a sitting position a placed on hand on the back of the couch as taking her offered hand. Together he managed to straighten up his cheeks pink. He flinched at the twinge on his chest and he cringed when he caught sight of the small spot of blood on his shirt. Liam sighed, he probably just ripped his stitches trying to catch himself. Awesome. 

“OH! Bugger Daisy, you made the poor lad bleed,” she scolded lightly. Daisy was hiding behind Jay’s leg and Liam extended his clean hand out towards her as a peace offering. Her face lit up as she took it clutching his hand and his t-shirt resting her head on his side. “Let me call Lou and have him bring over my kit, we’ll patch you right up,” She smiled before going to grab her phone. Liam took the towel his mum offered him and held it tightly over the ripped stitch andsitting back down on the couch. 

Daisy was curled up on his other side head resting on his bicep her eyes half pleading that she was sorry and half smiling. Liam gave her hand a squeeze and smiled.

“Wanna turn on a movie for us while we wait? Your pick,” he added. The small girl beamed and skipped towards the searching through the small stack of dvd’s. Liam sighed and rest his head against the back of the couch. He felt tired and the twinge on his chest was uncomfortable. Daisy must have chosen because she climbed back onto the couch and snuggled into his side quietly. Liam heard the opening scenes of Tangled playing and his lip twitched in humor. Daisy was warm pressed into his side while he waited. He could hear someone bustling around in the kitchen and the door open and close. He cracked an eye open and spotted a familiar face looking sheepishly at him. The same bright blue eyes were evaluating him and Liam tried to smile, nervous. Him and Louis hardly spoke if it wasn't forced in the classroom. They were never friends. He saw that Louis held a small bag probably full of his mum’s medical stuff, being a nurse and a mother of seven meant that you had to be prepared for injuries. Louis looked older, his soft brown fringe styled off his forehead and his jaw more defined with a hint of stubble. He wasn't any taller which humored Liam a bit.

“Hey mate,” Louis greeted him and Liam smiled and nodded. Not feeling up to conversation right now. He was saved by Jay swooping in and shooing her children out of the way setting up camp on the coffee table in front of him. 

“Daisy can you go help Karen with dinner please?” Daisy beamed and scurried off towards the kitchen leaving the three of them. Liam pushed himself to sit up straight having to readjust his leg into a better position left him feeling weird with Louis watching him. He was still standing there awkwardly having handed his mum her kit already. “Alright, shirt off Liam let’s get you taken care of,” she was rummaging through her bag and Liam paled more if that was possible. He paused his hand at the hem of his shirt. Nervous and feeling self-conscious of what was underneath the cotton tee. Jay seemed to notice and gave his knee a reassuring squeeze. After tugging it off and placing it on the towel they had set out Liam kept his eyes on his hands in his lap. His cheeks were flaming in discomfort, he knew the state his body was in wasn’t a good looking one. The scars were angry read and now with the blood trickling down his chest probably made him look even more maimed and morbid. He heard a small intake of breath and tried to relax himself as Jay did her work cleaning him up. Feeling brave he looked up to see Louis tracing his scars with his eyes. They were wide and questioning and Liam felt a bit sick to his stomach but was distracted easily by the tug of his new stitches being placed. He hissed in pain on a particularly tender spot but clenched his teeth trying to contain his discomfort. 

“How’s your leg doing dear if you don’t mind me asking?” Liam knew his mother had probably told her friends about him but it made him feel weak, like he was someone meant to be pitied. Liam cleared his throat before speaking.

“It’s alright, the bone is healed but I had some pretty extensive damage to a few muscles, nerves and tendons which is making it a tricky recovery because it’s not one small focus. I’m up and moving around though which is good progress,” Liam explained as she placed a fresh bandaged over his chest. “Get’s a bit boring being stuck sitting around though,” Liam added quietly. 

“Do you have a game system?” Louis spoke for the first time since they started. Liam watched his brows furrowed. 

“Gave it to that kid down the street, uh whats his name…Marcus? Yeah Marcus, I gave it to him when I enlisted. Didn't think I’d need it again,” Liam chuckled and Jay smiled packing up her stuff. 

“I teach down at our old school till four during the weekdays but I could bring mine by to play FIFA if you’re interested? I could use some adult interaction thats not my parents after hours and hours of dramatic teenagers,” Louis looked optimistic and who was Liam to deny anyone wanting to come over to keep him company. 

“Sure, I’d like that,” Liam felt a bit lighter. It would be nice to not be alone all the time. 

“Alright dear, you’re all stitched up and cleaned up. Sorry about that little bit there,” She chuckled and so did Liam.

“It’s okay really, didn't even need a trip to A&E so we’re great,” Liam accepted the clean shirt his mum was handing him and pulled it on feeling much better now that he was covered up again. 

“Why don’t you stay for dinner Louis, we’ve got plenty of food,” Karen was insisting and Liam laughed.

“Sure, can’t say no to free food, everybody knows I can’t cook to save my life,” Louis chuckled and grabbed a pile of dirty supplies to carry to the sink. 

They ate and chatted and the house felt proper full, laughs filtering through the halls and brightening the dark mood that sometimes fell over the house. Liam managed a bit of food still feeling a bit ill from this morning but he must look a bit better because his mum seemed more at ease. Louis had started talking about footie and Liam told a few stories of how they had made a makeshift pitch out of their bases mops and bug netting. It was quite funny. It was weird. In school Louis gave off the feeling of being on edge his responses short and sharp. Here though, they were both older and Louis seemed much softer and kinder. Grown up. It might not be so bad being home, at least Liam hoped for the best.

 


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I want people to like me, here's another chapter (:

The next few days feel calmer but also chaotic. Daisy and Jay come by again with Phoebe this time for dinner and Liam spends the evening watching Frozen this time and coloring in a princess coloring book. He honestly doesn't even mind and he only gets scolded for breaking two crayons. Trisha stops in one morning with scones and coffee and they eat it out back in the garden. Liam enjoys the company and finds it nice that his mum has so many friends that are willing to come over and check on him for her. Because he knows thats why they are here. Liam offers to come over and watch telly with Yaser in the upcoming week and Trisha brightly agrees that Yaser would love company for the footie game. She explains that he has congestive heart failure and gets tired easily and its slowly gotten worse to the point that he can’t work anymore. He can see the stress in her features and the way that the crows feet around her eyes seem deeper and more tired. He gripes her hand trying to reassure her that he understands and that she’d doing a great job.

The first time Louis comes by is interesting to say the least. He comes by around five arms full of cables and games and what he assumes is an Xbox. Liam lets him do his thing setting up opting to grab them some food from the kitchen while he waits. 

“Mate you want a beer?” Louis asks grabbing one from his bag and Liam shakes his head no. 

“Can’t really drink a the moment, I’m on antibiotics because of my stitches,” Liam leaves out the part where he doesn't typically drink at all. Doesn't want to fall into the comfortable numbness that alcohol can provide. Louis seems appeased with his answer though and starts up the game. Liam is rusty, he hasn't played since he was on base in Germany and they had a communal Xbox donated by one of the families living on base. He thankfully catches on quickly and barely keeps up with Louis is who is loud and brash while he plays. It reminds him a lot of Danny. 

“You remind me of my mate in the service, his name’s Danny. Tall lad which you wouldn't know anything about,” Liam jokes and Louis looks affronted but amused. “He was always doing ridiculous stuff, pranks in the barracks that would get him hours of cleaning added to his duties. Tried to drag me in too but always took the fall for it. Had my back,” Liam smiled fondly, Danny had become his best friend. 

“Where’s he at now?” Louis asks and Liam can hear the hesitance in his voice.

“Afghanistan still, he pulled me out of the rubble after we went through a nasty round of  bombings, he’s back in strategic communications now on base versus doing raids,” Liam started but finished slowly. Not wanting to go any further into his story anymore. 

“Cool, sounds like good mate,” Louis paused. “Is that how you got all…” he waved a hand at Liam’s body and Liam nodded.

“Yeah, it’s why I was discharged, Medical discharge and all that. I still had five years left,” he adds. Louis looked at him with wide surprised eyes.

“Ten year enlistment? Thats long,” Louis un-pauses the game and start playing again their characters running around on the virtual pitch. 

“It’s what I wanted. I had a purpose there, something I was good at,” Liam was being honest. “Didn’t have much left for me at home besides my parents and sisters,” it felt too honest but Liam was past caring. 

“Not much to do here but I’m sure we can find you something,” Louis sounded so sincere that Liam was almost taken aback. Instead he smiled and accepted it. “You should come out and meet my mates Niall and my boyf—,” Louis cleared his throat, “My boyfriend Harry,” Louis sounds quieter and unsure.

“Would have to be somewhere I can sit but I’m dying to get out of the house. It’s been three weeks and I haven't set foot past the garden. I’d love to meet your boyfriend and friends,” Liam tried to make sure Louis got that he was totally okay with that. Would be sort of hypocritical of him if he wasn’t. He was gay but honestly finding someone had been the last thing on his mind for years. “Wouldn’t happen to be Irish Niall and Harry Styles from school would it?” he asked curious.

“Ahh—it is,” Louis laughed, “Niall teaches music at the school and Harry teaches yoga and works at the hospital in the pediatric ward most of the time,” the fond tone of Louis’ voice made Liam feel welcomed into his little pack of friends. It felt nice. 

“Cool,” Liam felt lame.

“We’ll plan something,” Louis added smiling at him. Liam was starting to feel more at home than ever. 

 

- 

It’s sitting heavy in his hands, the letter addressed to Liam holding a line connecting him to his past life. Danny had sent him and letter and Liam had no idea what it could hold. Nervously he opened it finding a neat folded letter and a photo. Liam left it face down not wanting to look at it heart racing. He placed it back in the envelope but opened the letter. 

 

_Liam_

 

_Found this in my bag and thought you might want it back. Hope all is well. I’m stuck in an office freezing my ass off because its air conditioned. You think I’d be thankful right? Apparently not, my lips are blue half the time and the Captain thinks I look like hunan popsicle. Guess two years in the desert will do that to ya. Hope England isn't too boring. Miss ya man, it’s not the same without you here. The boys all send their hello’s._

 

_Danny_

 

Liam starred at the letter, it was short but comforting. Typical Danny always complaining about something as small as a/c. His heart felt heavy though, like a piece of it was missing and stuck back in Afghanistan that he would never get back. He felt like the rope connecting them was tugging painfully at his chest and Liam shoved the letter between the pages of a book on his nightstand. Liam’s stitches were beginning to dissolve and he was thankful that he wouldn't ruin anymore shirts with small splotches of blood. He didn't have very many left. He should probably get a few more. His to do list was getting longer but he couldn't exactly drive himself anywhere. The bus comes around a few times a day. He could most likely make it to the stores and get a few things he needs.

It’s still early so he decides he might as well try. Grabbing his phone, wallet and a set of house keys Liam pulls on a warm jumper before hobbling out trying to put a bit more pressure on his leg but finding it tough. He makes it down the street to the bus stop and waits patiently on the bench. He should have maybe brought his crutches with but he hates them. They get in the way more than they help. 

The bus rolls up and Liam uses the rail to pull himself up the steep stairs, paying and finding the closest seat to sit. There aren't very many people on the bus, most of the regulars leaving earlier for work. Liam rode in peace, watching as people got on and off around him. Once the reached the main street stop Liam got off and limped towards the first store on his list. He went in search of a few plain white tee’s finding a pack for cheap that would suffice. He found a pack of socks too and he made sure to grab a new razor from the shop down the road. It was slow and his leg felt stiff but it was nice to get out and about. The breeze was cool but the sun felt warm and Liam hobbled down the street happily. He could feel curious eyes on him but he tried his best not to care. 

He paused outside a cafe that he used to frequent in school with his mum and the rumble in his stomach was the deciding factor. It was quaint, quiet music was playing and he saw a few small groups of people scattered around. Liam ordered a sandwich and crips before finding a nice spot next to the window. Liam scanned the newspaper left behind on the table, reading the small columns about the new community garden and the others a bit more sad. He only stopped when a mousy older woman brought him his food with a polite smile. Liam thanked her and dug in. He used to come here often when he was younger, so often they knew his order back then. It felt strange now to feel like a stranger in such a familiar place. It was a painful reminder that he was an outsider here. Liam finished his sandwich and made a quick exit needing to make one more stop. 

He stopped to grab a bag of biscuits for his mom to hopefully butter her up so she wouldn't be as mad at him for leaving without telling her, he picked out the double chocolate chip ones. Her favorite. He stuffed everything in one bag and slowly made his way back to the bus stop. His leg was starting to hurt the regular twinge becoming a deep ache. He may have pushed it a bit too much but what was progress without some pain. 

“On your left!” he heard a loud shout from right behind him and Liam’s limp really kept him from being anything faster than a snail. He tried to move but honestly it wasn't gonna happen and when the bike clipped his arm knocking both him and the rider over Liam felt bad. 

“Dude, what the hell!” the biker shouted at him from his spot where he was sprawled on the ground. “I said on your left, that means move!” he was brushing himself off and Liam stayed still trying to breath though the waves of pain rocketing through his leg. He managed to pull himself into a sitting position easing his leg into a less awkward angle. He watched angry biker guy stomp around collecting items that had flown from his backpack and pick up his bike. He paused for about a second scowl still on his face. “Dude, it was your fault but you okay?” he asked and Liam could tell that he was still annoyed. Despite that Liam thought he was still probably the most beautiful man he has ever seen. Deep olive skin, dark raven hair and slightly familiar amber eyes glared at him. Liam sighed annoyed and irritated as well. 

“I’m fine,” Liam spoke softly half embarrassed and half pissed that he couldn't get up by himself. He had a sense of pride and it was severely wounded right now.

“You sure?” the guys sounded affronted and Liam gritted his teeth.

“I’ll manage,” he clarified. The guy watching him hesitantly as Liam placed his hands on the pavement pressing up and trying to find his balance on one leg using his toe as an anchor his dog tags clinking across his chest. It hurt and his leg was killing him and he swayed a bit once he was up. He watched the guys eyes go wide with guilt when he saw the way Liam was standing all of his weight on one leg and adjusting his other.  
“Sorry,” the guy muttered and scrambled to grab his bike and take off before Liam could even get a word out. Liam huffed out a breath letting it go. He couldn’t help it. Using the light pole conveniently next to him, he was able to gather his bags hoping the biscuits weren't destroyed. Feeling defeated Liam lugged himself back to the bus stop thankful there was a bench there. He went through the motions to get home praying he made it there before his mother. 

No such luck though and Liam cringed when the door closed loudly behind him.

“Liam James Payne, where have you been?” His mother was scolding him now cheeks pink with anxiety. 

“Sorry mum, took the bus to the store to get a few things, I thought I would be home before you,” he pleaded trying to soothe her, “I picked up your favorite biscuits?” he offered the bag and her scowl softened.  
“Don’t do it again without a note,” she scolded him before giving him a tight hug and taking the food. “Go sit down I can see your leg trembling,” she tossed over her shoulder. Alright then, straight to the point he chuckled. Sitting felt nice and it felt even nicer when his mum brought him a bag of frozen peas to place on the spot that ached the most. She helped him prop it up on a pillow and Liam decided to leave out the part of his day where he got mowed over by a bicyclist. They sat eating biscuits and drinking tea, his mum chatting about her day at work. They watched crap telly until his dad got home and they ate dinner together. Pot roast and potatoes which was one of Liam’s favorites. He felt almost normal for a bit, like there wasn't something horribly wrong with him, like he was so damaged he could barely function. 

He opted for a late night shower hoping the warm water would soothe him enough for sleep and apparently the combination of that and his physically exhausting day allowed him to fall asleep around midnight. 

 

-

 

It was a hot day. His gear felt exceptionally heavy weighing his limbs down as he walked the dusty streets. He was off patrol and had just found a pair of earrings to send to Ruth at the market. They were a beautiful set of blue gems wire wrapped with a gold lining and he thought she might like them. Stuffing them in his pocket he kept heading in the direction of base camp. Weaving through busy streets and stray market stands. It was around lunch time and everybody was out doing their daily routines. 

Liam was ready to get back and scrub the dirt from his probably sun burnt cheeks. Despite his time here already he still couldn't seem to stop the slight red tint from showing up on his normally tan skin. 

“ _Ma’zarat maf kijiye_ ,” came a small voice behind him tugging at the elbow of his uniform. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Urdu,” he replied to the small girl staring up at him. She had something clutching in her palm and was smiling widely. She grabbed at his hand and placed the set of earrings he had just bought into his hand. Ah, he had probably dropped them. Liam knelt down in front of her smiling and touching his chest trying to convey a thank you. He shook her hand and the bright green eyes were shinning in the sun. Children from the area some times interacted with them but not that often. She was speaking wildly in Urdu and Liam had no idea what she was saying but suddenly her face went somber eyes wide with fear. The sky went dark and he saw the small girl clutch at her side revealing a hand covered in blood. Liam felt the world tilt and he saw the girl start screaming. 

“ _Madad—Help_! Liam _Madad—Help!_ ” she was screaming and crying his name and he scrambled to try and help her but he felt something shake the entire earth around him the little girl too far away—

Liam woke his voice hoarse from screaming. His chest was tight and Liam couldn't breathe. He felt like he was underwater trying to claw his way to the surface. Endless tears streaked his face and Liam struggled, he couldn't move it was like he was frozen, paralyzed. He started pulling his hair. Gripping it between his fingers allowing the pain to ground him, bring him back. His father rushed into the room frantic and saw the state Liam was in. His heart was racing and he placed a palm over it to try and ease the painful pounding. The entire room was quiet except Liam’s harsh panting, his sheets tangled around his legs. 

“Liam, what do you need?” his father was standing next to him hand firmly on his shoulder. Liam sucked in breath after breath desperately trying to get a hold on himself. It hurt. Everything hurt, the phantom pain wracking through his body. Liam shook his head, he was swimming in darkness trying to navigate and storm and he had no idea.

“Liam, listen to my voice, it’s your father. You’re home, you’re home in your bed and you’re safe,” he spoke slowly and pointedly and Liam finally felt like he was tossed a life vest to grab onto. It was slow and tremors still wracked his body but he was consciously aware of where he was. He gripped his fathers forearm and slowed his breathing before he went boneless slumping back onto his mattress dried sweat cooling on his skin. His dad wasn't an overly affectionate person but he stayed there allowing Liam to grip his arm. 

“I’m sorry,” Liam croaked out still upset. 

“It’s not your fault Liam,” his dad assured him just like he has before, “we’ll work on it and find ways to help ease it. Don’t worry your mother and I are always here to help,” he added and Liam sighed closing his eyes. “Try and get some rest,” his father brushed a hand through Liam’s sweaty hair before leaving Liam to the silence of his room. Liam’s heart ached and his body was stiff. Liam hauled himself out of bed, shaking and trembling he pulled himself towards the shower. The hot water seemed to ease the chills that had resided deep in his bones. Liam felt alone. Here in England he was alone and no one would ever understand him. He was a burden to his parents and he knew it. Liam let himself cry, let the water wash away tears and pent up frustrations. He finished and pulled on his comfiest sweats and grabbing his duvet to take a kip on the couch instead of his bed that was ridden with nightmares. 

He fell into a mindless sort of rest where he felt asleep but could still hear everything. He heard his parents whispering to each other and the clanking of silverware for breakfast. He felt a kiss to his forehead and the brush of his hair before the door closed and the entire house was silent. Liam stayed laying there for hours maybe. He knew he should move but it felt as though a cinderblock was on his chest holding him down. The sun was peaking through the windows beckoning him to come outside despite the chilly weather. Bringing the duvet with him Liam hobbled to the sun bed outside. It really was a nice spot. Tucking himself under the covers away from the wind he tried to get some sleep. The sun felt warm on his face and the contrasting bite of the fall wind kept him from getting too hot under the covers. 

“Oh Liam dear you can’t sleep over here, it’s too cold,” he heard a scolding but slightly fond voice from above. Liam cracked and eye open. Trisha was giving him her mother hen look and Liam laughed. 

“Sorry Mrs. Malik,” he shuffled around to sit up pulling his leg swiftly over the edge. “I can go inside if that makes you feel more at ease,” he adds smiling politely. Figures, someone was always around to give him a motherly scolding even if his wasn't home. 

“Would you like to come over for a bit then? Yaser is up watching some telly, you could join him,” she suggested and Liam shrugged. He wouldn't mind company. She extended a light hand to help guide Liam up until he was standing and ready to walk. They hobbled inside the back door right into their sitting room where he saw a rather tired looking man sitting under a pile of blankets on the sofa. 

“Yaser, this is Karen’s boy Liam. You remember him? He’s from Zayn’s school,” Trisha was helping Liam towards the chaise lounge adjacent to the sofa, which when Liam sat he found that it was incredibly comfortable. 

“Hello,” Yaser nodded a polite greeting. 

“Hello Sir,” Liam greeted and he watched a smile crack on Yaser’s face before he started laughing.  
“I like you. Can you teach Zayn those manners?” he was still laughing and Liam shrugged awkwardly. He couldn’t really remember Zayn that well, but he never thought he was that rude or anything. “Also, please call me Yaser, Sir makes me sound like a stern old man,” and Liam smiled at this.

“Okay—sir,” he teased and Trisha was smiling from where she was leaning on the back of the couch.

“Tea?” she asked and both men nodded and watched her leave for the kitchen.

“You like footie?” Yaser was holding the remote and scrolling through channels. Liam nodded again, not feeling that words were necessary. Yaser chose a prerecorded footie game for them to watch and Liam got comfortable adjusting his leg and sliding part of his blanket under his knee to ease a bit of the ache.

“Afghanistan huh?” Yaser spoke not making eye contact. Liam nodded. “I’ve heard from Karen and Geoff about what happened over there,” he spoke again and Liam tensed up a bit. “It’s admirable, and I’m sorry someone as young as you has to carry that burden forever. That you’re stuck in the never ending process of healing,” Yaser was watching him now eyes full of empathy. “It’s not the same but I understand what it feels like to have to compromise your pride to ask for help when you don't want it but need it. To feel stuck and frustrated. It shows the type of man you really are and from what I can gather Liam you are a true man. Don’t forget that,” Yaser gave a small smile and Liam gave a curt nod a smile slowly spreading. 

“Thank you sir,” he added and Yaser laughed again before turning up the footie game. They sat in silence, enjoying the match even though they both knew the outcome of the game. Trish joined them with tea and hot buttery croissants pressing herself into Yaser’s side. It was nice and Liam truly felt at home here. He stayed until the end of the match waiting until the right time to politely excuse himself knowing he’ s probably overstaying his welcome. Trisha walked him home and Liam thanked her profusely for all of their hospitality and kindness. She had smiled and patted his cheek a little teary eyed and they had both pulled it together enough to continue on with their days. 

 

-

 

Most of the time Liam felt okay. He felt good even. He was going in for a check up at the local clinic his mother insisting that she come along to be kept in the loop meant that they now sat together in the waiting room. Liam was people watching to pass the time. It was one of his habits from the military to be observant and aware at all times and it made him smile to watch the array of kids scattered around here for shots and check ups. Tapping their fingers on the fish tank and laughing manically as their parents struggled to keep them quiet. Liam’s mother had picked up a magazine and was engrossed in some article about creating the perfect vegetable patch. A little late in the year to start that but Liam didn't mention that. They watched as kids names were called around them until a small quiet brunette walked through in pink scrubs.  
“Liam Payne?” she announced and Karen placed her magazine down grabbing Liam’s elbow to help him stand. She smiled politely her eyes on Liam’s limp. Liam sighed and followed behind her towards their room. It had the sterile smell of cleaning products and the florescent lights gave it a harsh light but the fish painted on one wall was an attempt to lighten the feel of the room. “The doctor will be right in,” she smiled setting his chart down and closing the door softly. 

“Do you know what you need to go over with them?” Karen asked from where she was sitting next to him. Liam nodded.

“I’ve got a form from the military of what needs to be assessed because the office needs to send a copy back to them when its completed,” Liam explained. It was a complicated process and sometimes annoying having to get two very busy groups of people to communicate. His insurance was a nightmare during the beginning of his hospital stay. The claims were outrageous and the military had to step in and communicate for him because he was barely awake for five minutes to eat. There was a soft rasp of knuckles on the door and it opened slowly.

“Hello Liam, how are we doing today?” a gray haired man spoke smiling brightly at him. He was stockier but in a healthy looking way. 

“Great,” Liam heaved himself up onto the examining bench and the doctor looked over his chart. 

“Alright, lets get that shirt off and see how things are healing,” Liam complied feeling the chill of the air conditioning hit his bare chest. The doctor checked his lungs, his blood pressure, poked and prodded around his rib cage checking for abnormal cartilage growth. He checked his scars to make sure nothing was infected in the more recent one on his chest. Liam had lain back and he had moved his leg around, taking notes on it’s mobility and progress. 

“Everything seems to be healing and progressing well. I’m impressed by how far you’ve come simply based off of what your chart says. I would recommend trying to add short walks into your day and some other light activities, start slow and add a tiny bit more everyday. I think your body is well enough to start handling that,” he was scribbling across some forms and Liam was nodding along with his instructions. “Do your medications still feel okay? I know you’ll need to see a psychiatrist to have those changed if needed but I just thought I’d check first.

“They feel alright, I don’t take them much though. They don’t always help,” he told him feeling a bit sheepish with his mum glaring at him. 

“That’s perfectly alright, they’re not meant to be taken everyday if the person doesn't feel they're needed. They’re not exactly preventative, they're more of a in-case-of-incident,” the doctor was trying to appease Karen and Liam was thankful. He could feel her scrutinizing eye on him. 

“Well, if you don’t have anymore questions or concerns I think you’re set to go. Thank you for coming in Liam,” the doctor smiled extending a hand and Liam shook it. 

“Have a great rest of your day,” he smiled and led Liam and his mum who was being surprisingly quiet towards the lobby. They walked out to the car in silence. 

“Mum?” Liam felt like something had set her off a bit. She looked pensive and sad sitting at the wheel of their car. 

“Are you really alright? Be honest, physically you are only half okay and I have no idea how you are otherwise. I know how you are Liam, you’ve never wanted us to worry or to bother anyone and I can’t have you slipping through my fingers if you’re not okay,” she was looking at him teary eyes and Liam felt a bit guilty. 

“I’m not great—but I’m okay. I’m doing okay and thats about as good as anyone could ask for,” Liam spoke softly gripping his mum’s hand for reassurance. Karen was wiping at her eyes smiling softly.  
“I almost lost you Liam, I almost lost my baby boy and I feel helpless as to how to help you,” she cried and Liam felt the sting behind his eyes.

“You are helping. I promise, I’m in a much better place just by being at home,” Liam was desperately trying to reassure her, he felt guilt swirl in his stomach at the thought of how much this is affecting her just as much as it was him. He felt his own tears sliding down his cheeks and he hugged his mum tight, needing it for himself just as much as it was for her. They cried quietly together in the car, this small breakdown a long time coming. They had tiptoed around any tough conversations while he was in the hospital because he was fragile and they didn't want to upset him and he knew it. They stayed like that for awhile, Liam rubbing a soothing hand along her back before they pulled apart drying their eyes. They drove home and somehow Liam felt a bit lighter. It was all part of the process this stuff. 

They came home and ate an early lunch together, his mum making his favorite sandwich. It was a bit cold but they ate outside at the small table in the garden. Liam had pulled on his rattiest comfiest sweats and took to laying on the sun bed after he ate. His mum sat reading at the table for awhile as he feel asleep.

“Hello?” a voice jolted Liam violently awake. He sat straight up eyes wide ready to move quickly his army instincts kicking in but he slumped when he looked around and saw his parents garden. He wasn't in the barracks. He was at home. He was at _home_. He kept reminding himself. He found the source of the voice and saw beautiful but angry biker from earlier this week staring at him with wide eyes. He clearly recognized him. This was becoming a thing apparently, being startled awake in his own backyard.

“Hello?” Liam spoke wondering why he was here in his backyard.

“Uh I was just—okay um—my parents live next door, the Malik’s? and my mum asked me to come check on you? You were out here for awhile and she was worried so she sent me over,” and a bulb went off in Liam’s head. Zayn. That’s why he looked so familiar before. 

“Oh—Trisha, you can tell her I’m alright,” Liam chuckled and watched Zayn fidget.

“I’m Zayn by the way. I don’t know if you remember me from school or not?” he scratched the back of his head and he looked shy. Liam smiled.

“I do,” he watched Zayn made an ‘O’ with his mouth his awkwardness clearly on display. 

“You and my mum are chummy now huh?” he asks sitting down in one of the other patio chairs. “You’re about all she talks about,” he adds. 

“She worries about me I think, she’s been over a few times—my own mums orders of course,” he watches Zayn smile softly pushing his long quiff up fixing it from where it was drooping. “I’m Liam incase you didn't know that,” he added adjusting himself so he was sitting in a more comfortable position.

“I’m sorry by the way for the other day—where I hit you with my bike—,” Zayn paused peeking at Liam through his long thick lashes biting his lip and Liam was sort of swooning. 

“It’s alright, couldn't have known,” Liam suddenly felt nervous.

“Yeah—but I was still a dick about it so sorry. Accept it,” Zayn spoke now smiling his tongue poking between his teeth. Liam found himself blushing slightly. God. Was he a school girl? 

“Well thank you for apologizing, and you can tell your mum I am okay, just grabbing a kip,” there was a quiet pause between the two of them, only the sounds of leaves rustling. 

“Wanna come over for some tea? I think it would make my mum feel better if she knew you had eaten something,” he seemed shy about it and Liam was beaming.

“Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do,” he pushed the blanket off suddenly self conscious of his ratty sweats. Honestly Liam. He got his legs over the edge still feeling a bit tired and when he stood up he felt the blood rush to his head making him dizzy. Zayn was there a tentative hand on his waist holding him steady. Liam had gripped Zayn’s shoulder and embarrassed pulled his hand away.

“You good?” Zayn asked his fingers dangerously close to slipping under Liam’s shirt, he felt his heartbeat pick up.

“Yeah,” he sounded breathy and he scolded himself. 

“Here take my elbow, I’ll help you. Can’t have you falling over again on my watch, my mum would never forgive me for hurting her precious Liam,” he teased offering the crook of his elbow which Liam took gratefully. They walked—and yes he meant walked, it was much less hobbling this time, the small distance to Zayn’s house. Trisha greeted them at the door and lead them inside to their breakfast nook tucked into the corner of the kitchen. 

“Liam, do you want tea?” she asked grabbing mugs from the cabinet and Liam nodded. It was cozy inside their house a small bench made up the nook that was covered in an array of pillows all shapes and sizes. He saw graded papers and colored pictures pined to their fridge with magnets. It was a home that was lived it. It had the touch of a people where as his barracks were meant to look pristine and orderly. Ready to pack up and move in an instant was the way that most soldiers lived. 

Zayn was helping his mum in the kitchen gather a few things here and there before joining Liam their thighs pressed together in the small space. Trisha handed him a cup of hot tea and Liam thanked her. 

“What have you been up to dear?” She asked joining him at the nook. Liam half sighed half laughed, what has he been up to? Not much because he could barely remember himself.

“Not a lot, reading quite a bit. Trying to enjoy the quiet for awhile,” Liam took a spoonful of sugar swirling it into his tea because it was a luxury he didn't have when he was deployed. 

“Sounds like Zayn. Doesn't do much other than paint, read or sleep most of his days,” Trisha joked and he saw Zayn blushing furiously.

“Mum,” Zayn sounded embarrassed. 

“He has his own art gallery down in London. Has to keep it stocked while he’s up here. Used to lock himself in his room working on a piece and I’d practically have to break the door down to get him to eat,” she was laughing now and Liam smiled. 

“Owning an art gallery, that’s pretty impressive mate,” Liam told him.

“It’s not really, and it’s not just my work either. I show other artists all the time,” he adds staring intently at his own tea. 

“Sure, sure,” Liam teased.

“Should see his comic style art, it’s some of my favorites,” Trisha was clearly trying to embarrass Zayn because Liam thought it was working the way Zayn was biting his lip nervously. 

“I love comics, had a bunch of my own stashed under my mattress on base,” Liam admitted. Everybody knew they were there and quite frequently borrowed them. Zayn seemed to brighten at this fact, his eyes shinning with interest. 

“You do? Which ones?” 

“Batman for sure is my favorite,” Liam started and Zayn was smiling so wide his tongue was poking behind his teeth.

“That’s sick mate, mine too. I can lend them to you if you want something new to read for awhile?” Liam found himself nodding eagerly like the eight year old comic nerd he always has been at heart.

“Sick, I’ll bring them over sometime then,” Zayn was smiling down at his tea and Liam felt his heart flutter slightly at the scene. 

They stayed there chatting for awhile Zayn’s youngest sisters scurrying into the house was their first distraction. Liam felt the need to excuse himself, not wanting to intrude on their family time. He saw a flicker of disappointment on Zayn’s face but Liam also was feeling tired and his leg ached to be iced. Basically, the couch was calling his name.

“Can I walk you back at least?” Zayn asked after Liam announced he was going to head home. Liam paused, watching Zayn carefully before nodding his head and smiling softly as Zayn offered him his elbow. Normally Liam would be feeling annoyed and cranky at needing help but the way Zayn was smiling at him and the feeling of Zayn’s soft skin had Liam feeling differently. 

The gentleman that Zayn was apparently, walked Liam home and all the way inside to the couch noticing the way that Liam was struggling with the sharper pain in his leg that was making his brows crinkle in discomfort.

“Bye Leeyum,” Zayn smiled teasingly and Liam’s heart fluttered at the way Zayn was looking at him, soft and sly like it was their secret. Once he was gone Liam eased himself onto the couch and tried to get a hold on himself. Zayn Malik was not what he expected. That might be a good thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, questions, thoughts? (:


	3. iii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again (:

Zayn started coming over a few times here and there, bringing comic books or dvd’s on rental. He even set Liam up with his Netflix password and ended staying to watch the entire first season of How I Met Your Mother. Other days he will come over squeezing himself in next to Liam on the sun bed until it started to get too cold for both of them to venture outside. They take to curling up on the couch, Liam sleeping while Zayn pulls out his sketch books and draws. Its cozy and quiet and exactly what Liam needs.  Zayn started showing up more and more unexpectedly feigning ‘orders from his mother’ but Liam knew that Zayn wanted to be there his small soft smiles giving him away. They started going for short walks Liam clutching Zayn’s elbow for dear life not making it far before Liam get’s too tired and has to go home but they go a bit farther and farther each day. Zayn assuring him that he’s clearly getting stronger.

They were laying on Liam’s bed right now his leg propped up on a few pillows his muscles sore and aching deep in the tissue from their walk. It hurt most days but after talking with his physical therapist he knew to expect that because he basically had to retrain his leg to be able to hold his body weight. It was a slow and painful process. He found that his mobility was a bit better, he could sometimes bend his knee from being straight if he was laying down and hadn’t gone for a walk yet. It made hope bloom in his chest for the day that he might get to run again someday. Hell, he’d be happy just being able to walk normally. 

Some random action movie was playing on the telly and Liam flinched when gunshots went off on the screen not fully paying attention. It made his heart rate spike a bit but he took a deep breath and let it go. Zayn was watching him carefully from where he was tucked under Liam’s duvet looking small under the pile of covers. 

“What was being in the military like?” Zayn asked suddenly and Liam froze. How does one describe what it was like? He struggled for a minute before answering. 

“It was different. You had to be constantly ready for anything from a practice drills to a real attacks or just a surprise bunk inspection from your captain, which frankly was more terrifying than anything else sometimes,” Liam chuckled. “My bunk mate got his ass handed to him for stashing a candy bar in the barracks. Mice and all that,” Liam added. 

“Were you in Afghanistan for most of the time? I know my mom said that was where you were before you came home,” Zayn was treading carefully and Liam knew it. They hadn’t exactly talked about why Liam was home or how it happened. It was clear he had an injury and that was really that. 

“I was in Germany for awhile doing some mechanical stuff with helicopters but they deployed me to Afghanistan about two and half years ago I think,” Liam wanted Zayn to know about his life but maybe not too much yet.

“I was mostly stationed by this village where I ended up making a few friends. I only traveled around a few different times but I always ended up stationed there again. It was nice to have some familiar faces to see there,” Liam was speaking softly and he knew his heart was visible on his sleeve. “Plus the desert was boiling hot, so having people who knew the tricks of the trade was nice,” Liam was smiling fondly thinking of his friends teaching him how to tie his shemagh to cover his neck better and how to use it to protect himself from the sand on more windy days.

“Sounds calmer than what I was expecting,” Zayn spoke and Liam could almost hear the surprise in his tone.

“It was mostly, there were a few isolated incidents but most of what was going on was in the next two cities over from where we were,” Liam felt a nagging edge creep into his voice. “The villagers were always incredibly nice and friendly to me,” he added softly.

“It sounds nice, a home away from home,” Zayn had laced their fingers together and gave it a good squeeze to let him know he was done asking questions. Liam smiled and slumped deeper into the pillows. 

“What about you? How was living in the big city? London must have been interesting, more interesting than staring at sand dunes all day,” Liam joked. 

“It was good, you can get lost in the crowd there it makes you feel like you’re apart of the city but also you’re own person. It’s weird,” Zayn was making an confused face.

“What about your art studio, how did that start?” Zayn looked more sheepish now.

“My ex actually, he uh—he submitted one of my pieces without telling me and they ended up loving it, so I guess I have him to thank for that,” Liam felt a pang of something in his stomach but he was trying to ignore it. 

“The studio I was originally at was trying to expand and they asked if I was interested in having my own gallery and it just kind of exploded from there,” Zayn looked proud and this and Liam felt it for him. That was incredible.

“What happened to your ex then—if you don’t mind me asking,” Zayn looked surprised.

“Nah its cool, I actually asked him to move with me here. My baba has been sick for awhile and I wanted to be around to help. I hired my friend, who’s also an artist at my gallery to take over and manage things for me and I had it all set and when I asked he told me he wasn't willing to give up the living in the city,” Zayn looked a bit sad and Liam hated that anyone made Zayn sad. “Selfish bastard,” Zayn chuckled. Liam smiled.

“Who needs em right?” Liam laughed and Zayn gave him a playful shove.

“Yeah, yeah Liam we know you’re every ladies night in shinning armor, every girls wet dream with your puppy dog eyes and bulging muscles in uniform,” Zayn was laughing and Liam’s face went sour. 

“Hard to find your own knight in shinning armor in the military. Don’t ask, don’t tell really,” Liam spoke softly and he watched Zayn’s eyes go wide with surprise. 

“Oh—well then,” Zayn winked at him and Liam burst out laughing. “You were literally surrounded by sausage and you’re telling me you never hooked up with anyone?” Zayn was laughing now too.

“No, I didn’t wasn't really interesting in finding anyone because I knew I might have to leave at the drop of a hat,” Liam explained to him fidgeting to turn on his side. 

“And now?” Zayn asked looking at him with a weird look on his face.

“I’m not sure, if you haven't noticed I’m half a mess 99% of the time, not sure if I want to unload all of that on someone—it’s a lot to ask and I already feel like it’s too much for my parents,” Liam was being honest. He felt like he would be a burden to anyone he was with, he could see the toll it took on his parents and they had to love him. A date wouldn't be obligated to take care of him when he woke up screaming in terror in the middle of the night. 

“Liam—you know that anyone would be lucky to have you,” Zayn’s eyes looked sad and Liam couldn't figure out why. He really hoped it wasn't pity. 

“Sure, sure and you’re ex sounds like a wanker too,” Liam tried to lighten the mood and Zayn smiled shuffling closer and resting his head next to Liam’s. 

“On another note, I was hanging out with Louis the other day and he said that you guys were friends? I didn’t even know you guys knew each other?” Zayn asked a pout on his face, his pink lip sticking out and Liam wanted to kiss it. 

“Oh yeah, bit weird, we never spoke in school but he came over with his mum one night and we got on. Now we’ve mostly just played FIFA together. I guess its not that weird, I barely knew you in school too,” Liam hates thinking about school. It wasn’t the best time in his life. “Not that I had many friends to begin with,” Liam laughs honestly because he was a totally nerd. 

“We talked, a bunch of times even,” Zayn sounded upset and Liam poked his pouty lip this time.

“Yeah we talked, before Ant, Jonathan and Aiden would come and wreck havoc and terrorize me,” he watched Zayn frown grow deeper.

“They picked on you?” he asked 

“Mildly, the just liked to give me a hard time. I don’t blame them, I was a dork who wasn't done going through puberty,” Zayn looked peeved.

“If I had known I would have made them stop. I remember you in school and you were the most innocent and kind kid there,” Zayn sounded stern and Liam felt his cheeks pink.

“Not many people cared that I was nice,” Liam chuckled remember being embarrassed that he had to sit on the sidelines during gym due to his weak condition desperately wanting to play. Zayn was watching him carefully before planting a quick wet kiss on his cheek. 

“I cared—I care,” he smiled shyly and Liam’s ears were burning and his smile threatened to break his face. Liam felt like he was floating away, happiness pumping through his veins making him tingle in excitement. Liam slung an arm around Zayn’s waist and pulled them together. They talked quietly to each other about comics and actions movies until they fell asleep their legs tangling together at some point.

 - 

Liam had spent the day cooking and watching shit telly. He wanted a real meal, not a bowl of cereal or a sandwich which is what he had been living off of on his own. Currently he was sat on the couch mooching of off Zayn’s Netflix account, enjoying the chance to watch shows he hadn't even heard of in the past couple years. Sometimes he felt like he lived in a bubble for so long, cut off from ‘normal’ life here in England. Sometimes it all felt like a dream but he had the injuries to remind him that it wasn’t. His phone buzzed loudly on the table in front of him and Liam snatched it up figuring it was Zayn or his mum. The only two people who texted him really. He was surprised to see it was from Louis. 

 

_Lads night tonight?_

 

He bit his lip, not sure if he wanted to venture out with all of Louis’ friends just yet. He was still shy despite his best efforts. Against his better judgment he responded.

 

_Sure, where?_

 

Louis’ response was instantaneous. 

 

_Great! Playing FIFA at Niall’s just a few of us, gonna order some pizza and have a few beers. Nothing wild._

 

Liam almost sighed in relief, he could do that. It was a Wednesday so Louis and Niall probably had to work early the next day. It eased some of Liam’s nervousness. Another message buzzed on his phone and Liam picked it up.

 

_I’ll grab you on my way home from work?_

 

Liam smiled thankfully. He was sure he’d have to ask his mum to drive him which is embarrassing. 

 

_Sounds good, thanks mate._

 

Once he responded he checked the time, he had about an hour before Louis was done with school. Liam inspected himself, he was kind of smelly and his clothes needed a good washing. A shower and change of clothes were in order. Liam hauled himself upstairs and into the shower trying to keep it short to leave time to get ready. Liam pulled on jeans for the first time in weeks, struggling to reach his ankles, his flexibility shot from his injury. It took longer than he had hoped and was sweating a tiny bit after it was over and Liam pulled on a henley tee trying to look somewhat presentable. It was one of his shirts leftover from years ago and it was quite a bit tighter than he remembered. It stretched over Liam’s muscular frame and he picked at it never quite getting past his old pudgy physique. His phone buzzed on the bed.

 

_Here!_

 

The message read and Liam slipped on his shoes quickly making his way downstairs. Well about as quick as he could. Which honestly was rather slow. Whatever. Louis would wait. Out in the driveway Louis waited with his old beat up car. It was probably the one he’s had since school. It made Liam smile. There was a few scattered papers in the front seat and Louis just tossed them into the back seat. 

“Whats up Payno?” he asked backing out into the street. 

“The usual,” Liam replied. He doesn't do much right now. 

“Should have know ya lazy arse,” Louis laughed. Liam appreciated that side of Louis. The fact that he could joke with him and didn't tip toe around him for any reason. Like he wasn't a charity case or a pity friend. Well he thought he might have been a pity friend but Liam felt that Louis was different than that. “It’s just going to be you, me, Harry, Niall and Zayn tonight? It that alright?” Louis was watching him calculating Liam’s response. 

“Perfect,” Liam smiled, he figured Zayn would be coming. Had sent a text asking right before he left and Zayn was notorious for being slow at responding. He was usually too engrossed in whatever project he was working on. They drove quickly through the streets down the way towards Louis’ flat. It wasn't anything to fancy, just a plain building with a small walkway. Thankfully it had an elevator, because Louis’ flat was on the fifth floor. That could have been super fun for everyone. 

They were the first ones there because Louis had just been on his way home. They stepped inside and Louis kicked off his shoes into a messy pile before heading towards what Liam could only assume to be the kitchen. He took a look around and noticed the sense of organized chaos that was Louis Tomlinson. There were random piles around the place but they seemed to be piles of items that were meant to be grouped together. It made Liam laugh and cringe all at once, his military instincts screaming at him to clean up the stray socks and sweaters thrown on the floor next to the rug. Louis was digging through his fridge and Liam helped himself onto a stool. 

“Beer?” he asked and Liam shook his head no. He didn't really want one. “Suit yourself,” Louis chuckled popping the top off with a magnetic bottle opener stuck to the fridge. “I’m going to call and order pizza, any preference?” Louis asked digging through a stack of papers before pulling out a take away menu phone in hand. 

“Hawaiian please,” Liam smiled at Louis’ disgusted face. 

“You and Harry will be two peas in a pod. That’s his favorite,” Louis shivered apparently not liking pineapple. Liam watched as he made an order of two Hawaiian pizza, three cheese, one pepperoni. Liam made a face and waited till Louis was done.

“So many?” he asked.

“You have absolutely no idea just how much Niall can eat. He will eat his way through an entire grocery store if you let him,” Louis chuckled throwing the take away menu back in the pile where it came from. Liam’s eyebrows furrowed, he remembered Niall being fairly thin. Maybe that had changed. Frankly a lot has changed. There was the sound of a key turning in the door and Liam looked to see who was arriving. 

A mess of wild brown curls came through the door first followed by long lean limbs dressed in the tightest jeans Liam has ever seen and a half buttoned flannel. Green eyes went wide when he spotted him and Harry beamed.

“Liam!” he shouted and Liam twitched the loud pitch catching him off guard. Harry rushed forward and wrapped his long gangly arms around Liam’s shoulders the force almost knocking the stool over. “It’s good to see you,” Harry was hugging him tightly and Liam laughed. 

“Good to see you too mate,” Liam laughed. Harry had always been this way, too good for the world. Liam had always hoped that they would be friends back in school but they never had any classes and Liam was always too shy to go up to him at lunch. He was regretting it now as he hugged Harry back. Harry pulled back and gave Liam a dimpled smile before going over to pull Louis into a tight side hug pressing a sloppy kiss to his forehead. Louis tried to looked disgusted but couldn't mask the blinding smile and fondness in his eyes. 

“Did you already order the pizza? I left a large salad in the fridge to have as well,” Harry asked going through a few cabinets and then grabbing out a salad bowl.

“No one wants your rabbit food babe,” Louis gave him a smirk and Liam 

Zayn and Niall came in through the door loudly laughing. Niall looked pretty much the same, a bit older which was to be expected but he still held that bubbly bright personality. Liam almost choked on his own spit when he saw Zayn who was wearing tight black jeans and a gray henley showing off his lean body and hugging it in all the right places. He looked amazing, his hair artfully styled up in a quiff looking at Liam through his lashes a small teasing smile on his face. Niall came by and hugged him getting him a few rough pats on the back.

“Payno! How are you? God you look different,” Niall pulled back and was taking him in. “Holy shit—your a proper hunk of man now aren't ya. No wonder Zayn can’t stop talking about you,” Niall was laughing and he could see Zayn’s tan cheeks darken an embarrassed scowl on his face. 

“Ignore him Liam,” Zayn told him coming forward to greet him with a hug as well. Hugs for everyone. He pulled Zayn in tight to his chest breathing in his musky scent mixed with the artificial smell of paint. It made his heart lurch. Zayn pulled back but stayed close giving Liam a secret smile while the other boys set up camp in the living room. 

“Alright?” Zayn asked quietly and Liam nodded. He helped Liam over to the couch sitting down next to him throwing his legs into Liam’s lap. Liam gave him a look that said ‘really?’ and Zayn smiled smugly. Liam spent the next hour eating pizza and watching a bunch of grown men revert to teenage rowdy boys over a game of FIFA. It was quite funny and it reminded Liam heavily of living in the barracks and on base and spending time with his mates. Niall and Louis were very physical with each other for a video game, shoving and pulling each others hair. Niall went to tug on one of Harry’s curls where he was sat between Louis’ legs in front of the couch and Liam thought Louis was going to chop off Niall’s hand. 

“Don’t you dare touch a single curl on his head,” Louis shouted indignant but his smirk said otherwise. His fingers were threaded in Harry’s curls massaging them around obnoxiously. Harry’s eyes went wide and amused letting Louis mess up his carefully crafted hair. 

“Bite me,” Niall responded still pressing buttons furiously on the controller.

“Wouldn’t go anywhere near you, might loose a hand if you’re hungry,” Zayn laughed from where he was still laying comfortably on the couch. Liam felt a pleasant buzz as if he had drank a beer or two, his skin vibrating with happiness. He was a pretty simple being. 

“My mate is having a party Friday, everybody is invited,” Niall said through a mouth full of pizza. “Might feel like a school reunion but could be fun,” Niall added.

“Who is it?” Louis asked a look of confusion on his face.

“Remember Jade? It’s her new place, sort of a house warming party,” Niall swallowed a mouthful and Liam grimaced at the mush ball he had just seen. Or maybe it was at seeing more people from school. He won’t admit to either.

“Sounds sick,” Zayn said from beside him and Liam sort of felt anxious just at the thought of the party but he didn't want them to stop inviting him to stuff.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he choked out hoping no one noticed the half panicked tone. He tried to ease his anxiety. A party on a good day would be stressful but a party full of people from school who never liked him was probably going to end in disaster. But with the way Zayn was beaming at him bright eyes and pink cheeks how could he say no? So Liam nodded and Zayn scooted closer cuddling into his side and Liam hoped he couldn’t feel the pounding of his heart. 

 

-

 

To say that Liam was horribly uncomfortable would be an understatement. He was wildly and invariably uncomfortable and he would literally rather peel his own skin off than be here. But Zayn was here so. He was weak. Liam was sat on the couch stuffed into a corner watching as people drunkenly stumbled around. He had come with all of the lads, Louis and Harry quickly disappearing into the mass of people. Zayn and Niall had left to grab him a drink probably around fifteen minutes ago and Liam was starting to feel like a sad abandoned puppy left on the side of the roadway in the middle of speeding traffic. He wasn't even exaggerating. The day hadn't started off the as the best day ever for Liam either. He awoke from a nightmare frozen in crippling fear, images burning behind his eyes as he struggled to get an ounce of oxygen into his lungs. It wasn't unusual but it was still draining and Liam had felt like he was being rung out to dry. He’d spent the rest of the morning laying in a pathetic pile under his covers wishing it would end, that’d he’d find some relief in the never ending exhaustion that he felt. There were deep purple bags under his eyes and Liam’s entire body felt heavy with lethargy but he didn't want to say no, didn't want to miss a chance to be around Zayn and the other lads. 

So when his count hit the twenty minute mark Liam starting questioning his life decisions. The musics was playing loudly and the room was starting to feel smaller with more and more people showing up. There was a lad passed out on the other side of the couch and it was barely eleven. Liam pushed himself off the couch, struggling as per usual using the excuse that the room was crowded to stay close to the wall as a crutch. He was feeling embarrassed as well. He didn't fit in here, not in the slightest. These were all past friends from school reuniting after years of uni and finding jobs, living their life. Liam was never apart of that and he was just some wounded soldier sent home from the only place he felt needed and wanted. A weird sense of hurt was seeping into his heart at the fact that they all had left him behind so quickly and clearly forgot about him. Liam needed to just go home. He just wanted to go back home and curl up in his duvet. 

It was a slow and admirably painful process trying to push through the crowd that was getting bigger. This party wasn't so much a housewarming party versus a right rager. He was getting close to the door when a very drunk and giggly Louis tumbled down the stairs into his side almost taking them both out.

“Lima bean!” he shouted and between the music and Louis’ shouting he was starting to feel a headache. Holding onto the still standing Louis for dear life Liam looked around desperately for Harry.

“Lima bean! Where on earth are you going? The party is this way,” he was laughing and dragging Liam along who was honestly stumbling and struggling to keep up with Louis’ unforgiving pace. 

“Lou, slow down,” he shouted but Louis tugged him down the hall and into the kitchen where he finally spotted Niall, Zayn and some girl he didn't recognize who was leaning very close into Zayn talking into his ear. It made his heart lurch painfully but he stomped it down quickly. He had absolutely zero hold on Zayn. They were friends. He wasn't sure what hurt the most though, them looking wrapped up in their conversation or the extra beer sat next to Zayn’s hand probably warm and long forgotten. 

“Lou, I think I’m gonna go home,” Liam tried to disentangle himself from Louis who was still yammering on about something. 

“No way! Come over here,” Louis’ eyes were looking hazy and he had a satisfied smile on his face, proper drunk. He looked a bit rumpled and Liam figured he’d just spent some time with Harry if the love bite on his collarbone was anything to go by. 

“Lou,” he whined as he was being tugged towards the kitchen table covered in an array of half full liquor bottles.

“Liiiiiii,” Louis teased him grabbing two glasses and mixing random things like a mad scientist before shoving it into Liam’s face. “Don’t smell it. Just taste take it quickly. Less painful that way,” Louis chuckled downing his own with a sour look on his face. Liam was feeling so far down in the dump that finally he snapped. 

“Fuck it,” he shouted and downed his own. It burned and tasted like Nicola’s nail polish remover smells, which was probably bad but it warmed his stomach and his skin was buzzing. He allowed Louis to pour him three more before stopping his head feeling a bit fuzzy. He was never much of a drinker. They got roped into playing beer pong on a table in the other room. Winning a few rounds before they were both too drunk to see straight having chugged close to eight beers each. 

“Ah well look at this! Liam Payne!” Liam cringed a bit already knowing who it was going to be. He turned and sure enough Aiden stood there with—oh would you look at that, Jonathan. Two peas in a pod forever apparently. 

“Hey,” Liam spoke blandly not looking forward to this particular reunion. Louis was still smiling like a mad scientist behind him. 

“Well haven’t you grown,” Aiden commented and Liam rolled his eyes. Honestly. 

“Puberty I suppose,” he tried to stand taller, look a bit meaner. He was larger than Aiden and Jonathan. Taller and he had some muscle on them but his stupid leg. Stupid— 

“Where did you fuck off to for uni? Haven’t seen you around until now,” Aiden was eyeing him suspiciously. 

“Didn’t go to uni,” Liam told him and left it at that. It was nobodies business but his own what he did with his life. 

“Oh—Oh, thats hilarious,” Aiden was cracking up and Liam furrowed his eyebrows. There was one thing the military taught him and that was putting on a blank face and having the patience of a saint when it came to dealing with insufferable people. Luckily, Louis attention span while he was drunk was that of a peanut so he was bursting between the two already on a mission.

“I need to find Harry! Liam you're tall find him!” Louis shouted pulling Liam along by the arm. Liam watched Aiden snicker before he turned and followed. He felt like a stupid preteen boy again up against his bullies. It made his angry and frustrated and the alcohol was swimming in his vision. 

They found Harry out back chatting animately with a bunch of girls and he saw Louis pout before plopping himself ungracefully into Harry’s lap.

“Well hello babe,” Harry pressed a kiss to Louis’ hair while Louis burrowed his face into Harry’s neck.

“m’ drunk,” he heard Louis slur and Liam stood awkwardly off to the side. His leg was throbbing from too much standing and not even the alcohol could block that out. Harry was petting Louis head a fond look on his face. 

“Well ladies, thats my cue,” he chuckled helping both himself and Louis stand. 

“Hey Li,” Harry greeted him warmly and Liam tried to smile but it probably came out more of a grimace. They both helped Louis stumble up the steps onto the small back patio pausing for Harry to say another goodbye. 

Liam could still hear the music pounding inside as the door slid open. He watched Jade, the party host tumble through the door her hair wild and a frown on her face.

“Aiden Grimshaw I swear to god if you accidentally light anything and I mean anything on fire I will kill you—,” she was shouting and running into the yard towards a small cluster of males. Just like that. It all came crashing down. 

Liam heard the familiar hiss and crackle and he saw a flash of light before he heard it. The loud boom of an explosion vibrated through his chest and Liam’s heart went into overdrive. The combination of alcohol and a fear so intense it sucked the air right out of his lungs. He stumbled quickly into the house pushing through people his mind telling him to _run run run run run move faster._ Liam stumbled and almost fell, he could barely get a hold on himself he was seeing things he had to be seeing things. He was home in Manchester. Home. So why was the sound of mortars exploding ringing in his ears. 

“Aiden! You right arsehole! He’s fucking ex-military!” he could hear Zayn’s voice somewhere around him but Liam couldn't place it. Couldn't stop himself from sliding down the wall and covering his head waiting for the attacks to pass. 

“Liam, Liam babe look at me,” he heard Zayn’s voice again but Liam was under attack  why wasn't Zayn taking cover? Liam started panicking, Zayn was in danger. He couldn’t  move though his muscles stiff and taut. His heart was pounding painfully against his ribcage  and Liam was struggling to breathe. 

“Li, can you hear me? If you can hear my voice nod your head,” he heard a different less  frantic voice speaking. Liam could hear him, so he nodded. “Do you know that you are here  in Manchester? If you do nod your head again,” the logical part of Liam knew he was in  Manchester but the sheer terror ripping through his body was trying to convince him  otherwise. He took a minute but he nodded. He was in Manchester, he had to be. “Alright Li,  can Zayn touch you? Nod your head if thats okay,” Liam nodded frantically head still tucked  under his arms and between his knees. “He’s going to touch you now so don’t be alarmed,”  the voice continued on and Liam tensed his body ready for the blows but only a soft hand  moved along his back. 

“Li babe, its Zayn. Listen to my voice okay? You are safe here, do you understand? I  would never let anything happen to you okay?” Zayn’s soft voice was like bells chiming in his  head. Zayn. Safe. Home. He was home. He wasn't in Afghanistan. Liam managed to calm  his breathing but his limbs were still trembling. He rolled his head to the side catching Zayn’s   wide eyes watching him carefully. Taking care of him. Liam felt exhausted, like all of the  energy had been sucked out of his body. 

“Let’s get you home yeah?” Zayn eased one of Liam’s heavy arms over his shoulders  arm wrapping tightly around his waist on his weaker side and he saw Harry going for his  other side. Liam let them guide him, barely able to keep his eyes open. He was deposited into the  back seat of a car his head resting on Zayn’s boney leg. His mind was swirling chaos his heart  still rampant in his chest. Fingers were working their way through his sweaty hair and massaging  his scalp soothingly. They must be at Zayn’s apartment because it was only a matter of minutes  before Liam was being deposited on a soft bed. He let Zayn strip off his tight jeans and pull off  his shirt. He cringed when the cool air hit his chest. Zayn hasn't seen his injuries yet. Not to this  extent. He shied away from Zayn’s light touches to his chest.  “Oh Li,” Zayn sounded sad, his voice full of sorrow and Liam just shook his head before  tucking it into Zayn’s neck. He felt Zayn’s fingers trace over his raised scars carefully as if he  could take some of the pain out of them. Liam thought it might be working. 

“I’m gonna take the couch,” Zayn whispered in Liam’s ear and Liam was quick to grab  his wrist as he pulled away.

“Please stay with me,” he pleaded tired eyes and exhaustion taking over. Zayn gave him  and sad smile but nodded climbing into bed next to Liam. Liam made enough room but whether it was his overwhelming exhaustion or the alcohol he didn't know but he slung an arm around Zayn’s waist and pulling him tight to his chest. His front was pressed into Zayn’s back and he could feel the steady beat of Zayn’s heart which is what ultimately lulled Liam to sleep. 

Liam awoke with a start. The bed was cold next to him and Liam could see the sunlight streaming through the edges of the curtains. Liam couldn't remember a second of waking in the night and he felt relief course through him. This may have been the first night in weeks—months where he had been nightmare free. Liam cringed though when he remembered clearly the events of last night. The alcohol hadn't done much good and Liam felt guilty for even succumbing to drinking anything. 

He pushed off the covers and padded into the kitchen using the wall for support. He saw Zayn sitting at the counter, cup of coffee in hand. Liam sighed and went to sit next to him. 

“Hi,” he greeted Zayn sheepishly.

“Hi,” Zayn almost whispered back eyes full of something Liam didn't want to see. 

“I’m fine, before you ask I’m fine,” Liam rushed out. He was embarrassed and humiliated. The pity in Zayn’s eyes was enough to start the rush of anxiety and a little bit of irritation. 

“You didn't look fine Li—,” Zayn started but Liam cut him off.

“I am _fine,_ ” Liam spoke his tone harsh. Zayn looked—he looked hurt and Liam felt bad for a second but the pitying look his just got was spurring him on. “I am fine, I have been fine and I will continue to be fine—,” Liam got up and made his way back to Zayn’s room pulling on his jeans and shirt quickly horribly embarrassed by his marred skin. They didn't feel like badges of honor like many of the nurses at the hospital told him they were. They felt like marks of pity, that evoked people to start acting weird around him.

“Liam come on stop—,” Zayn started.

“No you stop Zayn—you have absolutely _no_ idea what I went through and you never will,” Liam spat at him and he watched Zayn’s face morph into hurt and worry. Fuck it all. “Not like you ever cared before,” he added leaving the room quickly. 

He grabbed his wallet off the counter and headed for the door only slightly embarrassed when it took him an awkwardly long minute to put his shoe on. Zayn also hadn’t made a peep and that actually hurt worse. What had he hoped for? That Zayn would stop him and tell him differently? Liam left as quickly as possible and made his way outside before he remembered that he couldn't walk home. He couldn't _fucking walk_ home and his heart was aching and he was still so so tired. So when the taxi eventually picked him up and his eyes were rimmed red he blamed the dry cool air of fall turning into winter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear any comments or thoughts!


	4. iv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry loves, work is killing me and I'm training for a triathlon and that takes up like an excessive amount of my time. Love you all for reading!

Liam didn't get out of bed for a few days. He knew his mum was worried but he couldn't bring himself to even try. His leg ached and he feigned ill with the flu but he knew his mum didn't believe him. He felt like utter shit. His hair was greasy from not showering and he was sure his bags under his every looked like bruises. It almost hurt to be awake so he lay in bed barely conscious between few fitful hours of sleep here and there. He was sure he should take his meds but he also couldn't see the point. He was a sinking ship, why not just hit the bottom? 

His mum tried to get him to eat but the thought of food had his stomach turning in displeasure. He vomited more times than he’d care to admit and he was sure an intervention was coming. He had about roughly four days of wallowing and drowning in self hatred and anxiety before another warm body pulled themselves into his bed.

“You stink Li-Li,” a soft female voice came from behind him. An arm wrapped around his waist and he started tearing up. “What’s wrong baby bro?” Ruth had come all this way to seem him and it was like a damn broke. Liam started crying fat tears, sobs ripping through his chest. Ruth pulled him close and whispered soft words trying to soothe him. “Tell me what’s wrong Li,” she whispered finally when his sobs slowed to small hiccups. 

“I hate being like this. The pity and weird looks, I hate it and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore Ruth. What am I going to do?” he started tearing up again and he felt Ruth hug him tight.

“You’ll figure it out Li, you always were the best out of all of us,” she cooed and brushed his greasy hair off his forehead. “Let’s start with a shower though yeah?” she laughed and Liam felt a smile twitch at his lips.

“Alright, you win,” he pulled himself out of bed and the fact that he could smell himself had him realizing just how bad he had gotten. He took a long shower letting his emotions swirl down the drain till he felt almost numb. 

He takes it back. He was regretting her visit already. Liam stood in the middle of some clothing store will Ruth was scrutinizing his outfit. Ratty jeans and plain white tee. 

“Liam, your clothes are so boring. You aren't on base anymore, you don’t have a uniform. Let’s find you some new clothes,” she was smiling and Liam felt a bit of dread. He was so used to wearing his mix of clothes that were mandatory he wouldn't even know where to start. 

He watched with a sigh as Ruth gave him a once over and started pulling clothes for him, it was overwhelming as is but she shoved him into a dressing room and laughed and he struggled to pull a pair of jeans on. He quickly said no to a shirt with a crazy pattern and few pair of jeans that were way to tight that he didn't even think he would be able to get them on if his leg was working properly. He glanced at himself in the mirror though not minding a few of the henley's she pulled or a pair of darker wash jeans. Ruth seemed satisfied and when they went to check out she insisted on paying.

“I can’t even begin to list the countless items you sent me as gifts, it’s the least I can do,” she smiled and Liam frowned. That was the point they were gifts, not needing reciprocation. He let her though, remembering Yaser’s advice to simply let them take care of them, whether that meant a hand to get up or paying for something. Just this once, he thought. 

They went home, riding the bus, Ruth resting her head on Liam’s shoulder like they used to do when they were kids. He could see the different way Ruth looked at him but it wasn't necessary a bad look. It was almost as if she saw something in him that he couldn't see himself. 

They spent the rest of the day cooking and eating and repeating that process, catching up over steaming mugs and plates of biscuits. He packaged a plate up with a small hope that if he brought it over to the Malik’s that Zayn would be there. Until he ended up being too chicken to even go over there, Ruth teasing him mercilessly. It was a better afternoon that normal. Liam was immensely thankful for Ruth coming all this way and when he thanked her she simply pressed a kiss to his forehead with a, ‘of course doofus,”.  

 

-

 

Her departure hit him hard. She stayed for a few days but left finally needing to go back to work and Liam hugged her tightly as she stroked his hair. The house was quiet again and Liam went back to only half wallowing though, not to worry his mum. He read a few books and spent the rest of the time in the headed porch looking out over the garden. It was getting too cold to be outside but at least he could get close. Geoff had even moved the sun bed inside for him. Liam lay there under a quilt reading a book but having to go back and start each sentence over again because he wasn't paying enough attention. There was a knock at the door and Liam bolted up straight eyeing it suspiciously out of habit. He saw Yaser standing on the step giving a short wave. Liam stood up and unlocked the door leading Yaser to a seat across from him. 

“That was harder than I’d like to admit,” Yaser spoke sounding winded and wheezy. Liam was watching him concerned and ready to go grab Trisha in a moments notice. Yaser simply put a halting hand up and smiled a bit pained. “I’ll be fine, just takes a moment,” he added. They sat in silence, the breeze rustling Liam’s hair that was laying flat on his forehead. Yaser was watching him, analyzing him and Liam felt like he used to when his Captain would announce a surprise uniform inspection. 

“How are you Liam?” Yaser asked and Liam slumped. 

“I am fine sir,” Liam responded without his usual teasing. Yaser was scowling at him.

“How are you Liam?” Yaser asked again and Liam sighed.

“I have been better,” Liam tried and Yaser seemed to accept this answer.

“Does this have to do with the same reason my son has been moping?” Yaser quirked and eyebrow and Liam blushed, unsure. 

“Could be,” Liam felt the familiar rush of guilt every time he thought about Zayn. 

“Then I suggest you speak with him, it’s very simple,” Yaser smiled warmly and Liam cracked a small smile. He hoped it would be but he was also nervous. He knew him being who he was meant that he had a lot of baggage and he didn't want to burden anyone. This could be Zayn’s chance to run. Run far way like he should. 

“Now if you don’t mind, I am hiding from my loving and doting wife,” Yaser chuckled and took Liam’s place on the sun bed. Liam moved himself into another chair and watched confused as Yaser took a nap right there. Liam shrugged and when Trisha came by frazzled later Liam could only laugh and point to Yaser sleeping in the corner mouth open and snoring. 

 

-

 

_Lads are coming over tomorrow, you in?_

 

The message was from Louis. He had declined the other two times Louis had asked recently afraid of facing them and afraid of seeing Zayn. His phone buzzed again and Liam glance at it.

 

_If you don’t say yes, I’ll come drag you out anyways Li. Can’t hide forever._

 

Damnit. Louis knew him better than he expected. He typed back a quick ‘I’ll bet there’ before hiding back under his pillow on the couch. He had way too much time to feel anxious about it. Liam spent the next day and a half in a tizzy, going between feeling faint and twitchy with anxiety. It would probably be entertaining for people to watch him pace around the house cleaning random things he could find just to keep himself busy. He really needed a job. Liam froze where he was standing because up until he was physically capable of working yet until he got a recorded physical, which he had now. The light bulbs were blaring in his head and Liam thought of all the possibilities around town. He dug out his laptop that he barely used and searches for job openings in the area. 

There were a few in some retail stores but Liam knew that those required you to stay on your feet for a long time. He opted for one at a coffee shop and one as a front desk assistant. He knew these weren't his dream jobs but he really just needed something to keep him occupied right now. He forwarded his application, answered some questions and begrudgingly clicked the check box listing his physical restrictions. He was bummed but he figured a desk job wouldn't mind much his inability to stand for too long. 

His phone buzzed again and he saw a message from Niall this time.

 

_I’m on my way to get you, I know you don’t have a ride. See you in 5 mate._

 

No backing out now. Liam got dressed in some of his new clothes and he felt more like a person and less like a solider, it wasn't unwelcome’d. He heard the sound of a car pull into the driveway and Liam stumbled down the stairs and pulled on his shoes. Liam smiled because Niall of course honked the horn loudly like the loud and disruptive person he was. Liam locked the door behind himself and made his way to the car hearing Niall’s music blaring from his front step. 

Liam straight laughed out loud when he heard Becky G’s Shower song playing and watched and Niall scowled at him. 

“Don’t even think about saying anything if you want a ride,” Niall’s bright blue eyes were shinning and he was smiling again.  
“I would never do such a thing,” Liam choked out trying not to laugh before sitting in the passenger seat. When Partition started playing next Liam lost it. Laughing brightly and feeling weightless. Niall chose to just own it and was singing along and doing some weird tutting dance with his hand and Liam was struggling to breath from laughing. 

When they pulled up though Liam felt his heart sink. Zayn had to know he was invited let alone coming so hopefully it wouldn't be bad. Niall was watching him carefully and smiled warmly. 

“Shall we?” They climbed out and made their way upstairs and when they others greater him he could smell something heavenly. He spotted Zayn who was quietly stirring something on the stove not looking at Liam and he felt his heart clench painfully. If Zayn wanted space he wasn't going to push it. 

Harry had made his legendary fajitas and Liam couldn't argue with that, they were fantastic. They ate quietly chatting randomly about kids in their classes at school and other work related stories. Liam kept his eyes on his food and feeling a bit tense. He and Zayn had generally avoided each other so far. No one commented on it though. They went to their typical spots in the living room, firing up the Xbox for a few games of FIFA and they way Zayn was stuffed into the edge of the couch you would have thought Liam had the black plague. They stayed like that for too long. Arms distance apart. Close enough that Liam could trace the ZAP! tattoo on Zayn’s arm but far enough that he couldn't smell the hint of cigarettes and cologne. It made Liam’s heart ache. 

“You alright Payno?” Niall asked from his spot across the room. Liam was fidgeting and moving his leg around the pressure bothering him more than usual today to add more insult to injury. 

“Yeah just, my leg’s a bit stiff, nothing new there,” he joked.

“Should try some yoga, might ease some of the tightness,” Harry was lightly dragging his fingers through Louis’ hair where his head resided in Harry’s lap.

“You think that might help?” Liam was definitely interested. He’d do just about anything to help it heal faster.

“Sure, we could do yoga together in the mornings? You could also come to my candle lit classes at nine free of charge,” Harry was adjusting his headband like what he just proposed was no big deal. 

“You would do that? For me?” Liam was astounded.

“Sure mate, I do yoga every morning anyways why not do it together,” Harry was smiling softly his curls wild around his face. Liam felt fondness flood through his chest in tidal waves.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that,” Liam was beaming. “How do you want to do this?” Liam asked.

“How about mornings I’ll come by here around 7:00 and we can clear an area in your house? Then you can come by my studio for the evening class?” Harry suggested and Liam was eager to agree. 

“Sure that sounds great, won’t the class be hard though? I’m not exactly functioning at the moment,” the small sense of insecurity seeping into his veins.

“That’s the beauty of yoga, there are variations for every persons individual practice that are meant to heal the body in the way that it needs,” Harry spoke with such fever that Liam chuckled. 

“Oh hush ya hippie!” Louis complained from the spot in his lap before before sitting up to plant a big wet kiss on Harry’s cheek.

“You should join us Lou, lord knows that’d make things a bit more interesting in the bedroom…” Harry implied and he watched Niall fake gag from across the room noises and all.

“That’s nasty, keep that to yourself mate,” Niall shivered a sour look on his face. 

“Sure Nialler you keep telling yourself it doesn’t turn you on,” Harry winked and now it was Liam and Zayn’s turn to groan in disgust. Liam froze at the sound. Him and Zayn had hardly spoken and Liam missed him horribly. He felt it when he sat alone all day on the sofa. He felt it when he woke up from a nap alone, when he went to make tea, when he finished a comic book. It felt like there was a Zayn sized hole in his life. He looked up and caught Zayn’s eye who looked equally as rough as he did. They said an unspoken apology to each other and Zayn suddenly scooted next to Liam tucking himself under Liam’s arm and getting comfortable. Liam let out the breath that he was holding and pulled Zayn that much tighter to his side, feeling the warm through his shirt. He smiled softly at Zayn who returned it and rested his head back before going back to teasing Louis from across the room. Liam was almost breathless in relief and inhaled, savoring Zayn’s scent and praying that things would be okay again.

 

-

 

True to his word, Harry came by first thing in the morning and Liam was already awake clearing a space in their living room. A light knock on the front door let Liam know that Harry was here and he made his way to the door. He opened it slowly trying to keep noise to a minimum and took in Harry’s exuberant appearance.

“Good morning Liam,” Harry smiled, dimpled cheeks and his hair wild but pushed back by a headscarf. 

“Morning Harry,” Liam chuckled because leave it to Harry to be excited and happy to be up this early. Liam led Harry to the space he’d cleared and he watched Harry set up and do his thing.

“I brought you a mat and a few other things to help with modifications. We’re gonna start slow so I can get a feel for your mobility and what types of movements hurt,” Harry explained planting himself on a blue mat that had vines and flowers sprawling across it in an artsy way. He had laid out a plain green one for Liam facing towards him. Harry gave him his shoulder to help ease him down into a sitting position and Liam was instantly grateful for Harry just knowing what to do without asking. 

“I’ll also help with specific poses using your injured leg until we can build enough strength for you to do them on your own. Is that okay with you?” He was smiling brightly and Liam felt stunned by how at ease he was around Harry. 

“Absolutely, anything that will help is fine by me,” Liam moved his leg so that both were laying out straight. 

“Alright, first I want you to sit up back straight, adjust your leg if it pulls too much in your hamstring and place both hands in your lap palms up,” Harry began and Liam did as he was told, only feeling a small twinge of discomfort in his leg. 

“They way I like to start my day is by setting my intentions for my practice and for my day as a whole. I ask myself what I want to get out of the day today and out of my practice, is it to calm myself from a stressful week? To bring fresh energy to my morning? To try and be more positive? It changes each practice and today I want you to focus on patience and healing,” Harry’s voice was soft and soothing and Liam felt himself melt into it.

“To begin I want you lift your spine and open your chest, inhale—exhale,” Liam does as he’s told and he feels a sense of calm seeping into his veins. He’s welcoming it with open arms. They begin moving very slowly through poses, easing into them at a snails pace and Liam is sweating from the sheer exertion and strain it is putting on his leg. But it’s almost a nice pain, the stretch seems to relieve the deepest of aches and he can feel some of the pent up pressure releasing. 

They work through pose after pose slowly working deeper into each one. He’s sweaty and tired but also boneless and soothed by the end of practice when Harry has him laying in savasana which basically is him laying flat on the ground half asleep. Its been over an hour and Liam feels amazing. He could use a shower but he’s feeling good. Giddy almost. Harry talks him through the end of their practice until their are both sitting up. 

“How was it?” Harry asks using his headscarf to wipe some of the sweat off his face.

“It hurt a bit but I feel great,” Liam is using his shirt to do the same. “I just wanted to say thank you again for doing this. I really appreciate it,” Liam had offered to pay Harry earlier on and Harry had very promptly refused saying that they were friends helping each other out. Liam needed some rehab and Harry needed some practice facilitating. It was perfect.  

“How about you make me a cuppa and we call it even?” Harry while he’s wiping off his mat. 

“I can do that,” Liam smiles. Not even needing to ask, Harry reaches out a hand and pulls Liam standing. His legs are a little noodle-y but he manages to make it to the kitchen and start the kettle. 

“Sooo—you and Zayn?” Harry asks carefully sitting down across from Liam at the table. He can hear the water heating up on the stove and Liam wishes he could pretend he didn't hear him.

“What about us?” Liam shifts uncomfortably. 

“You like him—that much is obvious. Why haven't you done anything?” Harry is smirking like he’s all knowing or something. Liam’s pouting not sure how to respond. He can’t really deny it because he really really does like Zayn. A bit too much probably. 

“I’m not sure actually,” he really isn’t. He thinks maybe Zayn is into him too but if he's not? Then what? He looses his closest friend.

“Trust me, Zayn likes you,” Harry winks and gets up to take the whistling kettle off and pour them tea. Liam smiles at the thought but then instantly gets nervous. 

“How can you know that though, has he told you?” Liam starts, because what if they're wrong. 

“I just know. We’ve both know Zayn since school and I kept up with Zayn all through uni and he was never like this with anyone. Not even his ex Thomas, which is saying something,” Liam frowns at the mention of Thomas. The infamous ex boyfriend that wouldn't move here with him. Liam would go anywhere if it meant he got to be with Zayn. 

“I’m not sure if I can just ask him out though,” Liam feels his heart rate spike at the thought.

“Just start doing thing together outside of your houses then. Small steps and start dropping subtle hints. Heck take him to dinner or something,” Harry was teasing him now and he knew it but Harry was also right.

“Alright, I’ll ask him to do something not in our pajamas,” Liam laughed. God. He loved Zayn in his flannel pajama pants that hung sinfully low on his hips though. 

“Get it Payno,” Harry laughed and Liam tried to reach across the table to knock him over the head but he ended up just tugging one of Harry’s wild curls and smiling fondly thinking about Zayn’s stupid smile and the cute way he looked when he was drawing. 


End file.
